Why do we have to have scars? Isn't it just a constant reminder of something that was unpleasant. Something that will remind us every time we look at it?
I am writing this post, purely for selfish reasons. That's right. I am hoping no one actually takes the time to read it. If there is anything I have learned in this life, it is not to keep things bottled up inside. Eventually, you explode.
I am writing this, in hopes of getting all of my feelings out. So I won't explode.
I am also writing it in hopes to save myself from crying on the phone to a neighbor who happens to call right as I am taking off my dressing FOR THE FIRST TIME. In hopes that I will stop crying every time I look at myself in the mirror.
Here goes...I had a basal cell carcinoma removed from my face on Wednesday. So grateful to my sweet sister who noticed it, and caught it before it spread further. The problem...the doctor had to take a lot of skin off my face to get rid of all of it.
I thought I wouldn't care. I am old. I am married. I have no one to "impress".
I was wrong. I care. I care that my face is webbed around my eye. I feel like something off of star trek. I am fearful of the fact that I may need skin grafts to fix it.
Most of all, I am angry. Angry with myself for caring. I shouldn't be so upset with a little scar, when there are people missing limbs, or with terrible scars from burns, blind, deaf...my scar is so little compared to their scars. I wish I didn't care.
I hope I feel a little better know having this off my chest. Please help the next person who calls me...maybe I shouldn't answer!
4 years ago
6 comments:
I love you Candace!! I can't say that I know how you feel so I won't. My "scar" is my teeth - never got braces and I hate, hate smiling too big. I hate getting pics taken for that reason alone. I try to think of scars as stories to tell and memories of things that happen. And those scars make us who we are. I got told just yesterday that I look like my older brothers mom - I am now scarred for life. Maybe they would give us a buy one get one on face work!! A girls trip sounds great to me!!
Candice I am so sorry that you are hurting inside. I too wish that scars didn't give us the feeling they seem too, we need to remember that we are beautiful with or without the scars. I am very grateful that your sister caught it and you were able to have it taken care of. Loosing you would be so much worse. - Shari
Candice,
I can understand why you are upset. You are entitled to "mourn" such a change. I just lost a patient to squamous cell carcinoma which had been unnoticed and spread all throughout her abdomen. Her family gathered around here for her final days. Stories like that are all around us. The thing is...while you have always been beautiful and still are...your heart doesn't change. I was drawn to you as my friend because of your goodness,kindness,service, HEART, not just a pretty face. I'm so glad they didn't have to remove any of those qualities due to cancer stuff because that would have changed you. This scar on your face does not. Your scar tells a story of a survivor..and the potential of a life that could have been lost had you not been proactive. You are one of the neatest women I know and I'm sorry for your hurt. Selfishly...I'm just so grateful it could be taken care of. Please don't hide because of your scar...we need your smile in this world. XOXOXOOXO
Candice=beautiful. Scars and all. Muah!
Okay Amen to what Wendy said. I am so glad you caught it early too. I do think we're all our own worst critics and I'm sure you notice it more than anyone else will. You are one of the sweetest people I know and a great example. It makes me so sad to think about you hurting.
Amen to Wendy and so glad you are healthy! Scars are hard, though. I hope you heal soon.
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